Synopsis Evaluation

Draft 1

After discussing the first draft of my synopsis with my teacher, many changes were made:

• Firstly, we came to the conclusion that the overall synopsis was on the verge of being abstract but wasn't abstract enough. I would either have to make it more clear and understandable for the audience, or make it more abstract for the audience to read in to.




• I settled on the idea to make the film more clear and less abstract.




• Instead of having the love story between two people, and is very much one sided, i decided to add another girl into the equation and make a love triangle.




• I then started to change and rebuild the two existing characters to make them well suited for the story.




• To make it less abstract I decided to show the items in the bag.




• To add a twist and to complete the love triangle I made the bag more important.




• I decided to make the bag the possession of the other girls, and to link the boy and this new girl the objects in the bag.




• He knows he is sometimes not socially acceptable and almost 'weird' and by finding these objects in the girls bag he can identify himself with them.
  
  
  


• The boy walks the girl to the bus stop. I chose to have this to add a resolution to the story as suggested by Marilyn Milgram in her 10 point plan.

Draft 2

Before changing the story rapidly to improve it, i decided to tweak certain things:


I added names and ages to the characters.
This helped establish who they were and made it easier to read.
This will also benefit me for writing the scripts.
I corrected all punctuational and gramatical mistakes.
i decided to make Sarah walk home too, to make Jay have more of a clear choice and reasoning to join Faye.


Draft 3

After analysing my synopsis for the third time, I was relatively happy with the situation and the characters involved. However there were a few problems that I found out that I had to deal with:

• I realised that the film was still relatively abstract and 'quirky'





• This may be a good thing, but I believe my audience may not feel connected with the film which is one of my main goals through this project




• Therefore I decided to make the situation along the same guidelines but much more simple




• Another reason why I decided to do this was because of the time limit I have




• The film can only be 5 minutes long




• After doing a run through of my film and adding credits time I realised that the idea was way too long for the time I was allowed




• I decided to use a different setting




• Before it was set in a classroom, however I thought this may be a bit boring in terms of shots, lines and angles




• My sixth form common room, and the hallway leading from there to the toilet is a very interesting building




• That is why I decided to have my film shot here

Draft 4

After reading draft 4 I felt considerably happy with the structure and shape of the overall film. My next step was to apply Marilyn Milgrom's '10 point plan' from the 'Script' which she wrote. Milgrom strongly suggests that if a short film maker follows and completes these 10 points when evaluating their film, it will be a success. The 10 point plan is:

Title
Genre/tone

Setting (time and place)
Main character
Want/need/obligation
Opposition
Catalyst for change
Climax
Resolution
The audience feels...

The first thing I realised my film needed was a title, however looking further down the list, I realised that I had a major flaw in my film. The opposition that Jay faces does not seem as great as it should be. I felt like I needed to add another element to make it hard for Jay to get what he wants. But I could also use this element to my advantage and use it to help enhance Jay's overall character to help build a stronger establishment between the audience and the main character which Milgrom also strongly suggests is needed in a short film. Jay's need in the film is to be accepted by a girl who likes him for who he is, and he wants Sarah to be his girlfriend. However, to make this a greater opposition, I needed a much more clear underlining fact as to why it is hard for them to go out. So, this is why I decided to make Jay drawing a 'masterpiece' picture of her. This heightens the feeling that Jay is extremely creative and artistic, but also helps build up to the great difference between him and Sarah where she doesn't like it towards the end of the film. This was also a crucial element to add to the film, as it was a way for Jay and Faye to get closer at the end of the film, which helps me with the last two points of the ten point plan, 'resolution' and 'how the audience feels'. The fact that Jay is drawing her without her knowing, is also deviating from social norms and gives the audience an indication that he may not be 'normal' and could suggest why it is hard for him to have a girlfriend.





Draft 5


After reading the 5th draft of my synopsis I was again pleased with the overall film. However I once again put this against Marilyn Milgrom's ten point plan and began to make some changes. I first decided to come up with a title. I came up with 'Creativity Meets A Blank Canvas' as it was quite abstract and the audience could interpret it how they wanted. For example, that Jay is creativity and Faye is his blank canvas. I was completely happy with the beginning and middle of my story and how it fitted to the ten point plan, however I was not entirely happy with the end and the last two points. I felt like I needed a stronger moment at the end when Jay realises that Faye may be the one for him. Therefore, I decided to make Faye turn against Sarah in a way, by saying that Sarah doesn't understand art but she does. This would help bring Faye and Jay closer and make 'the audience feel' point stronger. However I still wanted a moment where Jay looks at Faye and the bag and smiles to himself that reasures the audience of how Jay feels too. This is why I included him walking to the vending machine, and watching her. The apple juice creating a thud, i thought, would be a strong, powerful ending.





Draft 6


Marilyn Milgrom suggests that the key to making a good short film is to have a strong connection between the audience and main character. After reviewing my synopsis for the final time, I was completely happy with everything other than this factor in which I felt I could improve on. Instead of adding more elements to Jay's character and perhaps overcomplicating things, I decided to use the two other characters in the film to help build the connection between Jay and the audience. I had Sarah giving smiles to Jay than giving disguisting faces which he can not see, so the audience can clearly understand that Jay is in some 'love trap' situation. This will also give a negative view towards Sarah which builds suspense throughout the film, and makes the resolution towards the end even greater. I felt like the 'bag situation' may have been a bit unclear for many viewers, so I tried to make it a bit more clear for the audience. I had Faye walk in later on in the film and switch the bags, which is out of Jay's sight. Finally, I felt that at the end when Sarah leaves and Faye walks over to Jay and 'rubs him on the back' it didn't build a strong connection between the two, and almost felt like a 'teacher/student' encounter. Therefore, I decided to have Faye sit down becide him and just stare at him for a moment. This will build suspense for the audience. Then she simply and softly says that it's amazing and smiles. I then had Jay look down at her bag with the card poking out at the top. I felt this ending had more tension and relief for the audience, but also made the film ending more clear. After various evaluations and drafts of my synopsis, I now feel completely happy with the overall structure, shape and story. I thoroughly look forward to the next steps to take in order to make this film a success.