Scripts

DRAFT 1

Masterpiece

by

Jordan Lipman

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

A brightly lit sixth form common room. It is silent apart from the tapping of keys from Sarah at the back of the room on a computer. A clock ticks to 03:47pm. She puts her head in her hands and aggressively rubs her eyes. She slowly uncovers her face to reveal Jay staring at her, who is sitting directly opposite. There is a pause, and Jay giggles. Sarah sweetly giggles too, then lowers her head and pulls a disgusted face. Jay lowers his head and smiles to himself, then uncovers a piece of paper from underneath his bag on which he is drawing a life like drawing of Sarah. He begins to shade in the eye, then smudges it softly and passionately with his finger.

Faye enters.

Faye walks over to the computer row in which Sarah is sat.

FAYE

‘Hey’

SARAH

‘Oh, hey hun!’

They both exchange a hug. Faye quickly breaks away and looks for a chair. She sees one, and wheels it over next to Sarah. As she sits down, she swings her bag round on to the table, and slides Sarah’s bag underneath. Jay is still focused on the drawing of Sarah.

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

Sarah is typing, with Fay slumped next to her watching. Jay is still drawing.

SARAH

‘Right, I’m just going to the toilet’

FAYE

‘k’

Jay swiftly slides his drawing underneath his bag as Sarah gets up and walks past him. He pretends to be engrossed in the computer screen. Once she is past, his eyes follow her until she is at the doors, where she passes a teacher. He quickly opens his bag and pulls out a card with a colourful landscape painting on the front. He opens it. The card reads; ‘roses are red, violets are blue. Mona Lisa is pretty, but not as beautiful as you.’ The teacher walks over to Faye and asks her a question. With her distracted, Jay quickly leans over the computer divider and drops his card in the bag. He returns to his seat with a grin on his face, and the teacher exits.

Sarah returns.

Sarah walks in briskly talking to Faye.

SARAH

‘Ah, sorry hun! My sisters dance class was cancelled so I have got to walk her back now!’

FAYE

‘Oh, ok. Do you want me to log you off?’

SARAH

‘Er, yeah thanks hun’

Jay watches Sarah walk over and into her row. He leans up and stares at her, then the bag with an excited look on his face. Sarah reaches for the beg then hesitates.

SARAH

‘Oh, that’s yours init’

FAYE

‘Oh yeah sor..’

Faye’s voice drowns out as Sarah leans down and grabs her bag. Jay watches her pick it up underneath the desk and then sling it over her shoulder. His face turns into panic and worry. Sarah gives Faye a hug and begins to rush out. As she walks past him she looks over and sees the drawing of her. She stops dead.

SARAH

‘Oh my god!’

Jay sharply turns round to look at her shocked face. He begins to smile.

SARAH

‘Why the hell are you drawing me?’

Jay is speechless.

SARAH

‘Urgh. I always knew you were a freak!’

Sarah gives a disgusted face and storms out. Jay looks down at the drawing and aggressively sweeps it onto the floor, then puts his head in his hands. Faye slowly gets up and picks up the drawing. She sits down next to him, and puts the drawing carefully back on the table, then looks at Jay for a uncomfortable moment.

FAYE

‘That’s amazing Jay.’

Jay slowly pulls his hands down and turns to her. Faye gives him a radiant smile. Jay looks at her inquisitively, then smiles back. He slowly looks down at her bag by her side. The card can be seen poking out at the top. Jay looks back at her and smiles again.

DRAFT 2

Masterpiece

by

Jordan Lipman

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

A brightly lit sixth form common room. It is silent apart from a tapping of keys, from SARAH, 18, wearing casual jeans with a t-shirt, at the back of the room on a computer. A clock ticks to 03:47pm. She puts her head in her hands and aggressively rubs her eyes. She slowly uncovers her face to reveal JAY, 17, waring jeans and a hoodie, staring at her. There is a pause, and Jay giggles. Sarah sweetly giggles too, then lowers her head and pulls a disgusted face. Jay lowers his head and smiles to himself, then uncovers a piece of paper from underneath his bag on which he is sketching a life like drawing of Sarah. He begins to shade in the eye, then smudges it softly and passionately with his finger.

FAYE, 17, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, enters the common room.

Faye walks over to the computer row in which Sarah is sat.

FAYE

‘Hey’

SARAH

‘Oh, hey hun!’

They both exchange a hug. Faye quickly breaks away and looks for a chair. She sees one, and wheels it over next to Sarah. As she sits down, she swings her bag round on to the table, and slides Sarah’s bag underneath. Jay is still focused on the drawing of Sarah.

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

Sarah is typing, with Fay slumped next to her watching. Jay is still drawing.

SARAH

‘Right, I’m just going to the toilet’

FAYE

‘k’

Jay swiftly slides his drawing underneath his bag as Sarah gets up and walks past him. He pretends to be engrossed in the computer screen. Once she is past, his eyes follow her until she is at the doors, where she passes a teacher. He quickly opens his bag and pulls out a card with a colourful landscape painting on the front. He opens it. The card reads; ‘roses are red, violets are blue. Mona Lisa is pretty, but not as beautiful as you.’ The teacher walks over to Faye and asks her a question. With her distracted, Jay quickly leans over the computer divider and drops his card in the bag. He returns to his seat with a grin on his face, and the teacher exits.

INT. corridor - Day

Sarah is walking out of the girls toilets as her phone begins to ring. She takes out her phone and see’s that her mum is calling her. She sighs and answers.

SARAH (into phone)

Hello

...

SARAH (into phone)

I’m at school doing some coursework.

...

SARAH (into phone)

No I’m with some girl in my class.

...

SARAH (into phone)

No, Faye. And some other boy who I don’t really know.

...

SARAH (into phone)

Urgh, well can’t you pick her up?

...

SARAH (into phone)

Oh for gods sake! Can’t she just stay with me until I’m done?

...

SARAH (into phone)

I’m not taking that attitud... Ok ok! I will walk her home!

Sarah hangs the phone up aggressively.

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

Sarah walks in briskly talking to Faye.

SARAH

‘Ah, sorry hun! I have got to go. My sisters dance class was cancelled so I have got to walk her back now!’

FAYE

‘Oh, ok. Do you want me to log you off?’

SARAH

‘Er, yeah thanks hun’

Jay watches Sarah walk over and into her row. He leans up and stares at her, then the bag with an excited look on his face. Sarah reaches for the bag then hesitates.

SARAH

‘Oh, that’s yours init’

FAYE

‘Oh yeah sor..’

Faye’s voice drowns out as Sarah leans down and grabs her bag. Jay watches her pick it up underneath the desk and then sling it over her shoulder. His face turns into panic and worry. Sarah gives Faye a hug and begins to rush out. As she walks past him she looks over and sees the drawing of her. She stops dead.

SARAH

‘Oh my god!’

Jay sharply turns round to look at her shocked face. He begins to smile.

SARAH

‘Why the hell are you drawing me?’

Jay is speechless.

SARAH

‘Urgh. I always knew you were a freak!’

Sarah gives a disgusted face and storms out. Jay looks down at the drawing and aggressively sweeps it onto the floor, then puts his head in his hands. Faye slowly gets up and picks up the drawing. She sits down next to him, and puts the drawing carefully back on the table, then looks at Jay for a uncomfortable moment.

FAYE

‘That’s amazing Jay.

There is a pause.

FAYE

‘That was really mean what she just did. Why would she say such a thing? Sometimes I wonder why I am friends with her.’

Jay slowly pulls his hands down and turns to her. Faye gives him a radiant smile. Jay looks at her inquisitively, then smiles back. He looks down at the drawing of Sarah. He picks it up at tears it in half. He throws the pieces on the floor and turns back to look at Faye who is still smiling. He slowly looks down at her bag by her side. The card can be seen poking out at the top. Jay looks back at her and smiles again.

DRAFT 3

Masterpiece

by

Jordan Lipman

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

A brightly lit sixth form common room. It is silent apart from a tapping of keys, from SARAH, 18, wearing casual jeans with a t-shirt, at the back of the room on a computer. A clock ticks to 03:47pm. She puts her head in her hands and aggressively rubs her eyes. She slowly uncovers her face to reveal JAY, 17, waring jeans and a hoodie, staring at her. There is a pause, and Jay giggles. Sarah sweetly giggles too, then lowers her head and pulls a disgusted face. Jay lowers his head and smiles to himself, then uncovers a piece of paper from underneath his bag on which he is sketching a life like drawing of Sarah. He begins to shade in the eye, then smudges it softly and passionately with his finger.

FAYE, 17, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, can be seen outside. She looks in and notices Jay is in there. She walks past the window and stops. She takes out a mirror and and starts styling her hair with her hand. She poses, then puts the mirror away and carries on walking. Faye enters the common room.

Faye walks over to the computer row in which Sarah is sat.

FAYE

‘Hey’

SARAH

‘Oh, hey hun!’

Faye looks for a chair, she sees one, and wheels it over next to Sarah. As she sits down, she swings her bag round on to the table, and slides Sarah’s bag underneath. Jay is still focused on the drawing of Sarah.

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

Sarah is typing, with Fay slumped next to her watching. Jay is still drawing. Faye slowly raises her head above the computer divider, and looks at Jay’s sketch of Sarah. She looks at Sarah, sighs and slumps back down again resting her head in her hand.

SARAH

‘Right, I’m just going to the toilet’

FAYE

‘k’

Jay swiftly slides his drawing underneath his bag as Sarah gets up and walks past him. He pretends to be engrossed in the computer screen. Once she is past, his eyes follow her until she is at the doors, where she passes a teacher. He quickly opens his bag and pulls out a card with a colourful landscape painting on the front. He opens it. The card reads; ‘roses are red, violets are blue. Mona Lisa is pretty, but not as beautiful as you.’ The teacher walks over to Faye and asks her a question. With her distracted, Jay quickly leans over the computer divider and drops his card in the bag. He returns to his seat with a grin on his face, and the teacher exits.

INT. corridor - Day

Sarah is walking out of the girls toilets as her phone begins to ring. She takes out her phone and see’s that her mum is calling her. She sighs and answers.

SARAH (into phone)

Hello

...

SARAH (into phone)

I’m at school doing some coursework.

...

SARAH (into phone)

No I’m with some girl in my class.

...

SARAH (into phone)

No, Faye. And some other boy who I don’t really know.

...

SARAH (into phone)

Urgh, well can’t you pick her up?

...

SARAH (into phone)

Oh for gods sake! Can’t she just stay with me until I’m done?

...

SARAH (into phone)

I’m not taking that attitud... Ok ok! I will walk her home!

Sarah hangs the phone up aggressively.

INT. SIXTH FORM COMMON ROOM - Day

Sarah walks in briskly talking to Faye.

SARAH

‘Ah, sorry hun! I have got to go. My sisters dance class was cancelled so I have got to walk her back now!’

FAYE

‘Oh, ok. Do you want me to log you off?’

SARAH

‘Er, yeah thanks hun’

Jay watches Sarah walk over and into her row. He leans up and stares at her, then the bag with an excited look on his face. Sarah reaches for the bag then hesitates.

SARAH

‘Oh, that’s yours init’

FAYE

‘Oh yeah sor..’

Faye’s voice drowns out as Sarah leans down and grabs her bag. Jay watches her pick it up underneath the desk and then sling it over her shoulder. His face turns into panic and worry. Sarah gives Faye a hug and begins to rush out. As she walks past him she looks over and sees the drawing of her. She stops dead.

SARAH

‘Oh my god!’

Jay sharply turns round to look at her shocked face. He begins to smile.

SARAH

‘Why the hell are you drawing me?’

Jay is speechless.

SARAH

‘Urgh. I always knew you were a freak!’

Sarah gives a disgusted face and storms out. Jay looks down at the drawing and aggressively sweeps it onto the floor, then puts his head in his hands. Faye slowly gets up and picks up the drawing. She sits down next to him, and puts the drawing carefully back on the table, then looks at Jay for a uncomfortable moment.

FAYE

‘That’s amazing Jay.

There is a pause.

FAYE

‘That was really mean what she just did. Why would she say such a thing? Sometimes I wonder why I am friends with her.’

Jay slowly pulls his hands down and turns to her. Faye gives him a radiant smile. Jay looks at her inquisitively, then smiles back. He looks down at the drawing of Sarah. He picks it up at tears it in half. He throws the pieces on the floor and turns back to look at Faye who is still smiling. He slowly looks down at her bag by her side. The card can be seen poking out at the top. Jay looks back at her and smiles again.

SCRIPT EVALUATIONS

After analysing the first draft of my script with my teacher, I came across various apparent mistakes that I had made when writing a script. I learnt that when writing a script, there are certain rules that you must follow. For example, when mentioning a character for the first time, their name must be in capital letters, which I failed to do. You must also write how old they are and what they are wearing, which is what I will be changing in draft two. I then focused on sentence structure and word choices, and have made some changes to improve the script.



My main issue with the script is that it might be too short and will not full fill the full five minutes in which I have. To be absolutely certain with how long the film could be, I decided to run through it and act it out with a stop watch. I did the best I could to act it out as it would be and it took four minutes and ten seconds. Therefore, I decided to add another element at the end of the film.